Episode 3 - Lazy brown girl

I apologise for my hiatus, dear readers. I could make excuses for not writing these past 3 months, but the truth is that I am lazy and an extreme procrastinator. If procrastination was a sport, I would be breaking world records!

I do feel like I should explain myself. After I began this blog, I had wanted my next post to be about Nelson Mandela and what he had done for me personally. I had written a letter to him after attending his memorial service at the Riverside Church... but it was too soon and I couldn't share it with you. Then I went home for a few weeks and thought I would write about the trip and how I always feel like a visitor, no matter where I am. But I needed time to process all that instead of ranting about my feelings, so I put that off. 

Next, we packed up our old apartment and moved and I wanted to share that too but it would have been a really boring post, so I waited for something exciting to happen. (Are you seeing the lame excuse pattern here?) And then something extraordinary did happen but I was far too overwhelmed to write about it. I returned to Brasil after 16 years and got to see old friends that I really thought I would never get to see again.

Since that trip, I have found all sorts of excuses for not writing. This is what it comes down to: a) I am lazy, b) I judge myself so harshly that I am afraid to fail even before I begin and c) I should be doing this because it makes me happy. Now that I have learnt this, I am going to try to change these negative attitudes. I am going to start a writing schedule and stick to it (hopefully). I know that I am my own worst critic and will try not to listen to that nasty voice inside that tells me I can't do something. 

I could try to blame my laziness and fears on my parents or my siblings or the Apartheid government (haha) but ultimately these weaknesses are mine and I have to take responsibility for them. I think we prefer to blame our shortcomings on someone else so that we don't have to deal with them. I'm not saying we should only focus on our imperfections and flaws. But if there's something in the way of your happiness and success, and that something is you, why not fix it? So, that's what I'm going to attempt to do. No more lazy brown girl!